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“READ ME FIRST!” • April 1, 2006

“Damn the Calories — Full Taste Ahead!!”

Let’s get a few things straight right from the start.

I’m as conscious of my figure as anyone — probably a lot more conscious than most because a lot of people see my figure without any clothing to hide little “imperfections.” I can’t afford to gain even a pound because it immediately shows up.  So — I’m very conscious of what I eat and try to keep the calories down.  (And yeah, I’m gonna do an M Column about calories and thermodynamics somewhere along the way — I’m just trying to get my courage up to take on the ultimate sacred cow of diets!)

BUT — even though I’m very calorie conscious — I DON’T EAT CRUMMY FOOD!!!  Translation — if I’m gonna go to the trouble to cook something, (and risk yet another visit from the fire department,) I’m not going to ruin it by squeezing out every last calorie possible until it taste like an asphalt parking lot — or worse!  I’d rather have a 50% portion with 100% taste than have 100% portion with 0% taste!!!

I miss a lot of meals during the day because I’m too busy and my schedule is often too hectic.  And when I do get to eat, I eat small and “sensible” — translation, I may eat half a salad but it’s a GREAT salad!  Again, my approach is not to eat a lot, but to always eat well!

SO — all of the little delights you will find here are designed to TASTE AS GOOD AS POSSIBLE and to heck with the calories.  NO CRUMMY FOOD!!

I jog everyday, (almost,) work out hard everyday, (almost,) so after making some of these wicked little wonders, I’ll just jog a little more and work out a little harder!  And I will enjoy my jogging and work out even more because I’m “paying the tab” for the little treat.  I can trot along a trail with heavenly memories of the goodies I gave myself.  When the reward is great enough, I don’t mind paying the piper!  It beats the daylights out of sitting down to eating a boring, tasteless, ugly, crummy meal!

OK — second — as you may have inferred from the little remark about the fire department, anything I make had better be very easy!  It’s got to also be quick and involve minimal labor!  (In the cases where a recipe does requires manual labor, you will notice that one of the necessary ingredients is always a willing member of the male persuasion to provide the said manual labor!!  That’s why they’ve got the big muscles — to provide the manual labor for us poor pitiful helpless little girls!  Hey — I’m management — not labor!!)

And third — I’m always facing a tight budget — so cost is also a factor.  However, I’d rather have a tiny decent steak than a huge piece of shoe leather!  So — I control my cost with small portions rather than by buying inferior ingredients!  I’d rather have a quarter pound burger made with ground sirloin than a one pound burger made with “mystery meat” bargain hamburger something!  And besides, there’s less calories in good meat than in cheap!

There is one little problem with my small portion philosophy — GUYS!!  A pound of ground sirloin is at least four meals for me, but a pound doesn’t even qualify as an appetizer for those of the male persuasion.  I’ve watched Roger, George, Steven, and Rick nonchalantly polish off a side of beef in one tenth the time it’d take a school of piranhas!  Tyrannosaurs could take lessons from these guys!  So could great white sharks!!

But there is an easy solution to the cost problem!  Observe the following cell phone conversation, “Roger — we girls are thinking about grilling some steaks tonight.  For the eight of us, we’ll need about nine pounds of tenderloin.  Would you and the guys stop by the market on the way over and pick up some?”

Now you might think that’s kind of a crummy trick, but just do the math!  We four girls are going to eat about a pound of steak TOTAL!  The other eight pounds will be fought over by the four carnosaurs!  So who should justifiably pick up the tab? The answer is pretty obvious!

And the same thing applies when we go out to eat.  One of our favorite “quick meals” is a burger from Burt’s Burger Barn.  (And Burt doesn’t serve mystery meat!  You can watch them grinding up the sirloin right there behind the glass!) When they bring out our orders, I’ve got a Meredith size burger on a bun about the size of silver dollar pancakes.  Roger’s burger is like half a cow squeezed in between two spare tire sized thick crust pizzas!!  So I ask you — who SHOULD pick up the check? The cost of my meal is less than the tip!

Further evidence — there is a place here in Texas that offers a 46 ounce steak with the provision that it’s free if you can eat it all in one setting.  So — the eight of us gave it a try — and ordered 5 steaks — one for each of the guys — and one for us girls to share.  We figured the chances were good the guys could polish off theirs for free and the one shared girls’ steak would be the only one we’d have to pay for.

WELL — not only did each of the guys hoover up all of their individual steaks, they fought over the remaining two thirds of the “girl” steak and polished that off, too.  The management was so flabbergasted that they gave us the fifth steak free, too.  The guys got their pictures taken and added to the “wall of honor.” (The restaurant doubtlessly took the photos so they’d know to lock the door if these particular trenchermen ever show up again!!)

So to sum up — everything you will find here is “Damn the calories — full taste ahead” and easy and economical to do!  This is not the home of any CRUMMY FOOD!  In fact, you’re gonna find — this is the home of WICKEDLY DELICIOUS FOOD!



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Last Updated: April 2006

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