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“Firing Squad!!” • September 19, 2005

Don't you just love a happy ending?

A brunette, a redhead, and a drop dead gorgeous blond were facing execution via firing squad.

The firing squad took the brunette first, and as the leader said, “Ready, Aim ... ” the brunette screams in feigned terror, “EARTHQUAKE!!!”

The firing squad looked around anxiously and while they were trying to figure out whether there was an earthquake or not, the brunette took off running and escaped.

Undaunted, the firing squad took the redhead next, and the leader again said, “Ready, Aim ... ” at which point the redhead screams in convincing terror, “TORNADO!!!”

The firing squad looked around anxiously and while they were trying to figure out which direction the tornado was coming from, the redhead took off and escaped.

The firing squad took the blond last, and by now the blond had it all figured out — when the right time came just scream about some incredibly horrendous unimaginably awful life threatening disaster.

So when the firing squad leader said, “Ready, Aim ... ”, the blond screams in true mortal terror, “I DON’T HAVE A DATE FOR FRIDAY NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Are any of you guys available?”

SO —

Saturday morning after the blond had managed to drink the firing squad, (and the entire rest of the army,) under the table the previous night, she was unanimously acclaimed to be their Supreme General For Life.  Sunday she led them on a daring palace coup, became Imperial Blond Empress For Life, and had the whole country renamed after herself.  And — she issued orders to have the smarty pants brunette and redhead rounded up, and this time to avoid any slipups, dispatched to the gallows.

And at that point, everyone lived happily ever after!!!!  (Except of course for the brunette and redhead.)

And just for the record — and to shut up the guy in the last row back there saying, “Duh — I thought the dumb blond was supposed to yell ‘FIRE!!!’ as the punch line” — a fire might be a disaster to some people, but when you’re a super hot sexy blond and you don’t have a date for Friday night — we’re talking about a disaster of Biblical proportions!!!

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Last Updated: October 2006

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