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“Courtroom Drama!!” • January 25, 2006

It’s not wise to mess with a blond!


Attorney »

The defense attorney stood up, approached the witness stand and said, “Sir, you are accusing your faithful, loyal, loving, gorgeous blond wife of aggravated assault with a motor vehicle.  This is a very serious matter and I feel that we need to reiterate the facts of the circumstances so that the jury can fully appreciate the ridiculousness of your charges.  On the night in question, you were struck by a vehicle at approximately 2:00 AM as you left the business establishment at 4267 Main Street.  Is that correct?”

Husband »

“Yes, sir.”

Attorney »

“And is this establishment in fact not a ‘gentlemen’s club’ — that is, a rather seedy topless bar?”

Husband »

“Uh — uh — I guess some people might call it that.”

Attorney »

“I believe that’s what most people would call it.  And did you not in fact tell your loyal and loving gorgeous blond wife that your intent was to spend the evening playing penny ante poker at the home of a business acquaintance?”

Husband »

“Uh — well — uh — yes sir.”

Attorney »

“And had you not been drinking heavily at this establishment on Main Street? I must warn you that you are under oath and that I have a copy of the hospital laboratory’s blood alcohol content report.”

Husband »

“Uh — I’d had a couple of beers — maybe a few more than a couple.”

Attorney »

“I would suggest that you had several cases more than a couple.  Were there any witnesses to your mishap?”

Husband »

“No sir.”

Attorney »

“And do you recall the make and model of the vehicle that struck you?”

Husband »

“No sir.”

Attorney »

“Did you even see the color?”

Husband »

“Uh — no sir — it hit me from behind — I never saw it coming.”

Attorney »

“And I don’t suppose that you caught a glimpse of the license plate as it sped away.”

Husband »

“No sir.”

Attorney »

“I ask for the jury’s undivided attention.  You, sir, admit that you lied to your loving, loyal, gorgeous blond wife — you admit that you spent the evening in a less than respectable business consorting with scantily clad females — you admit that you were intoxicated — you admit that you never saw the vehicle that struck you and can not identify it — and you admit that there were no witnesses — so, sir — how can you possibly sit there upon the witness stand and accuse your gorgeous blond wife of criminal intent?”

Husband »

“Well — I may have been drunk — and I didn’t see the vehicle — but we’ve been married for ten years — and I’d recognize her laugh anywhere!!”


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Last Updated: October 2006


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