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“Early Education!!” • February 22, 2006

We’ve all got to learn sometime!!

A gorgeous little grade school blond was working away at the kitchen table on her homework when her mother walked in.  “Mommy, can you help me with my science homework? I’ve got to write a thing about planets and stars.”

Her gorgeous blond mom said, “Sure, I’ll be glad —”, but then the phone rang, so her mom continued, “Why don’t you ask your father first while I’m on the phone.  I’ll look it over later.”

While her mother talked on the phone, the little blond picked up a pencil and notebook and went to find her father — who was playing penny ante poker in the den with some of his friends from work.  She explained that she needed help, so between hands, her father and the rest of the guys explained things.

Her father was a confirmed practical joker and a frustrated comedian — and besides, why tell a child the truth when fabrication is so much more entertaining — so he started with, “Well honey, the stars are God’s outdoor Christmas lights.  He used to take them down right after New Years, but he’s been really busy lately so now he just leaves them up all year round.  Every now and then he’ll bump into one and knock it loose and we’ll see a shooting star until the bulb burns out.”

Tom Carson next to her father was not one to be outdone, so he continued with, “And all of those Christmas lights make up the galaxy.  For a long time it didn’t have a name, but then Professor Hyman Q. Snodgrass, IV, who was a famous astronomy, decided that it should be named after his favorite candy bar, so ever since, it’s been the Milky Way Galaxy.”

Bill Watson continued with, “And Professor Snodgrass was also the one that named the next planet out from us for another favorite candy bar — the Mars Bar.  And Mars has two satellites which we call Plain and Peanut and refer to them together as the M&M’s.”

George Madison added, “After Professor Snodgrass died, a new planet was discovered, so we asked the world’s most famous rodent for a suitable name and he suggested we name it after his pet.  So we called it Pluto in honor of Mickey Mouse’s dog.”

The four of them continued around the table for the next fifteen minutes while the little blond scribbled away in her notebook.  Finally, she politely thanked them all and returned to the kitchen — just in time for her mother to get off the phone.  “Did your father and his friends help you? Did you learn anything?”

The little blond nodded and referred to her notebook, “I learned a lot, Mommy.  Mr. Carson is a total idiot.  And so are Mr. Watson and Mr. Madison.”

“What about your father?”

“I think he must be their king!”

Her mother laughed and said, “As a budding scientist, what do you conclude from these results?”

“Well — I was hoping that when boys grew up that things would be better, but it seems that they are always gonna be idiots!”

Her mother grinned, “What’s taken you so long to figure that out?”

The little girl shrugged, “I’m a blond!!”

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