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“Tough Acting Job!!” • March 31, 2006

When you’re desperate you’ll do anything!!

A gorgeous blond goes off to the big city to become an actress.  She enrolls in a very good, (and very expensive,) acting school and begins learning the trade.  She is also desperately looking for even bit parts, both to build up some credits, and of course, to help make ends meet.  She doesn’t have much luck and her finances have dwindled to almost nothing.

Then one day, one of her instructors calls her to the side and says, “I might have a job for you.  You’ll get a steady paycheck but you won’t get any credits for it.  Are you interested?”

“Yes Sir!!  They’re gonna boot me out of my apartment next week if I don’t come up with some money.”

“OK.  Here’s the address — good luck!”

The blond goes to the address and is amazed that it is the city zoo.  Inside, she’s directed to the head zookeeper.  “I must ask for your complete confidentiality on this, young lady.  Even if you don’t take the job, you must never tell anyone about this conversation.”

The blond agrees, so the zookeeper continues, “We’re a small zoo that has been facing dropping attendance and also municipal budget cuts.  And even worse, our star attraction, a large male gorilla, that previously really attracted a crowd and brought in admissions, now just sits in his cage.  What we want to do is dress you up in a female gorilla suit and put you in the cage next to him to see if you can liven him up a bit.  You will of course never be in the cage with him and there will always be bars separating you, so you’ll be completely safe.  Do you think you could act like a female gorilla?”

“Yes sir, for a job I could act like anything!  But why don’t you just get a female gorilla?”

“They are VERY expensive and we can’t afford one.  But maybe if you can make the male popular enough again, then perhaps we’ll be able to purchase a female.”

The blond is a little rightfully dubious of the whole deal, but she really needs a job — so — the next day she puts on a gorilla suit and crawls in the cage next to the male.  At first the male completely ignores her, but as she begins swinging about, playing on her tire swing, running around the cage, etc., the male starts to take an interest.  And the blond notices that people are starting to watch both her and the male.  So she really starts playing up to both the male and the gathering crowd.

At the end of the day, the zookeeper is very pleased and tells her to keep up the good work.  Within a month, the word about the fabulous gorilla exhibit at the zoo has spread all up and down the East Coast and there are huge crowds everyday!  The zookeeper gives the blond a nice raise!!

But then a month later, the zookeeper says, “You’ve really done a fantastic job — in fact you’ve done so well that now we can afford a real female gorilla — so unfortunately we’re gonna have to let you go.” The blond is really gonna miss the crowd and particularly the paycheck, but she knows that nothing lasts forever in show business, so she goes back to acting school.

The zookeeper calls her a month later, “We need you to come back!  We’ll give you a substantial raise if only you’ll come back!”

The blond asks, “What happened?”

“Well, our male gorilla was quite old — and when he tried to — tried to — well — with the young female gorilla, he died.  She was so despondent that all she did was sit in the corner of her cage.  Attendance is now even worse than before.  So we’re sending her to another zoo and getting a new male gorilla and want you to play the female again.”

The blond still needs money so she agrees.  The new male is obviously younger and a lot more active than the old one and soon the two of them have brought the crowds back!  However, disaster strikes!

Both the blond and the male gorilla have been so active at bouncing off the bars, that one day when the male charges toward the blond, the bars break!!  The male’s momentum carried him into the blonde’s cage and she is knocked to the ground underneath him!!

Terrified for her life, she tries to scream out for help, but the male puts a huge hairy hand over her month — and whispers, “Shut up you fool — or you’ll get us both fired!!!”

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Last Updated: October 2006

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