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“Singles Bar, #5!” • March 31, 2006

And here we go with even more tips!


Guy »

What brings you out to the bar tonight?

Blond »

I’m an undercover policewoman working a prostitution sting.

 

Guy »

What brings you out to the bar tonight?

Blond »

I’m a suicide bomber — want to give me a “goodbye” hug?

 

Guy »

What brings you out to the bar tonight?

Blond »

It was time to restock my walk-in freezer with fresh meat.

 

Guy »

I’m always the life of the party.

Blond »

Only if you go to a lot of funerals.

 

Guy »

What do you do for a living?

Blond »

I’m a doctor — a pathologist — I cut up bloated putrefying corpses.

 

Guy »

See if you can guess what I’m thinking.

Blond »

I didn’t know you could think.

 

Guy »

I’ll bet there’s something you’d like to ask me.

Blond »

OK — exactly what species are you?

 

Guy »

Roses are red, violets are blue.  I’m sure I could go for a girl like you.

Blond »

The blood will be red and your skin black and blue.  My boyfriend’s back and he’s looking for you.

 

Guy »

Are you a natural blond?

Blond »

Yes.  Are you a natural jerk?

 

Guy »

I could spend a lifetime with you.

Blond »

Ten seconds already seems like a lifetime.

 

Guy »

I just bought this tie today.  What do you think of it?

Blond »

It needs to be longer — it’s way too short for a decent noose.

 

Guy »

Hi, what’s your name? Can I get you a drink?

Blond »

I’m Lucretia Borgia — and let me get YOU a drink.

 

Guy »

I really love gorgeous blondes.

Blond »

Me too!  Help me find a few to take home with me!

 

Guy »

You’re pretty smart for a blond.

Blond »

You’re pretty dumb for a creep.

 

Guy »

We could make beautiful music together.

Blond »

I don’t think so — whether I play the white keys or the black ones — you’d still be singing in the cracks.


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Last Updated: October 2006


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