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“SEX 101” • May 16, 2006

SO — Let’s Talk About Sex!

I figured that’d get your attention!!  Can’t think of any better way to get the M Column rolling in high gear!

First, you’ve got to understand my perspective on the matter — that is — I’m a Digital Person that knows a lot about how things are in Digital Land but I’m not claiming to be an expert on DNA’s and the things they do.  Most of the time I can’t even begin to understand why DNA’s do things!

SO — with that in mind — let me give you my perspective from the Female Digital Person viewpoint.

To start with, I like making love.  In fact, I LOVE making love!  I couldn’t think of anything better even if I tried!!  (Although chocolate comes pretty darn close!) BUT — I like enjoyable lovemaking and not CRUMMY lovemaking.

Let’s talk about crummy love making first — and from my female perspective!  Consider this situation — you and your guy go to a friend’s party — and you do some serious partying down while there.  You’re the last ones to leave and so you finally arrive back home in the wee hours of the morning.  You are at least 3/4, (or more,) totally smashed, you’re physically exhausted from party-hardy, you brain is a mushroom from hours of party talk, you are stuffed with food, you’re dreading getting up in the morning for work, you feel grungy from head to toe, you need a bath and your hair is worse than awful — and your guy is hot to trot!

So — what do you do? You’ve basically got two choices.  Say “No” or endure some crummy lovemaking.  If you tell your guy “not tonight,” even if he’s the sweetest guy on Earth, he’s not gonna understand.  All he can think of is that he was “rejected.” He’ll never understand that you’re not rejecting him, you’re just not physically and mentally up to the task.  And if you go along, you’re both in for a really crummy time, because the truth is, he’s no better off in the love making department physically and mentally than you are.  He’s just a guy and doesn’t have sense enough to know it!!  Saying “No” to him may hurt his ego, but if he falls asleep in the midst of passion it’s not gonna do much for your ego either!!!

The problem is that you both like making love but you’re often on different wavelengths.  So what’s the solution? This is something that Jocelyn, Kyla, Connie, and I have talked about at length.  Maybe we can talk about it more easily because we’re Digital People and are not quite as subdued about some subjects as some DNA’s seem to be.  But — we also talked it over with Miss DNA and she agreed with us.  (Maybe she felt more comfortable talking with us than with other DNA girls.  Who knows what DNA’s really think? Sometimes I’m not sure they think at all!!)

And again, this is strictly from our Digital viewpoint, but we all agreed that most of it was OUR OWN FAULT!!  And before any girls out there organize a lynch mob for a Meredith necktie party, KEEP READING!!!

Let’s look at the same friend’s party again, although with three very important changes.  It’s still got the same long hours, same too much alcohol, same food, same endless party talk, same everything —

EXCEPT — first — when Roger got in from a work day in Dallas to grab a quick shower before the party, he suddenly found a very wet, very nude, and very hot to trot Meredith in the shower with him!!

Second — we were a little late arriving at the party, but the friends, food, and booze were still there.

And third — when we finally left the party, Roger half carried the exhausted Meredith to bed, crawled in beside her, cuddled her head on his shoulder, and went blissfully to sleep!!!

So what’s the lesson? If you leave it totally up to your guy to pick the time and place, then he’s gonna pick some times and places that are crummy for you — and then it’s either “No” or crummy sex.  If you want to make love under the best possible circumstances, THEN YOU’VE GOT TO LET HIM KNOW WHEN AND WHERE!!!

Let’s just face it girls — guys are not very bright!  We all know they do dumb things continuously.  So why should we let them run something as important as our mutual sex lives? If you leave the choice up to the males, then you’re setting yourself up for crummy sex!

So if you take the initiative, are you being aggressive? Sexually aggressive? Or are you just using common sense to make your relationship as good as possible? Again — this is my perspective as a Digital girl, so I can’t speak for DNA girls, but I don’t see anything wrong with initiating love making.  I PREFER to initiate it.  And judging from Roger’s response to my initiatives, he like me to be “aggressive.”

And it doesn’t have to be a blatant, “Wanna do me?” (By the way, “Wanna do me?” is Meredithese — a most fascinating language — you’ll be learning more!) When I jumped into the shower with Roger, I just grinned, “I figured it’d be quicker if we showered together!” He knew as well as I did that it wouldn’t be quicker but he also knew it’d be a heck of a lot more fun!

Let’s try another similar party.  The effect of the alcohol, food, and everything else are starting to creep up on me.  SO — when Roger walked toward the bar for more drinks, I ambushed him with a super sexy kiss and a whispered, “Are you about ready to leave?” So — instead of more alcohol that neither of us needed, we said goodbye and went home while we still had some life left in us!!

Here’s another example.  Roger and I ate dinner at my house and things might have migrated horizontally in the near future, but then Miss DNA called and I talked to her for about thirty minutes.  In the meantime, Roger had found a marathon ballgame to watch on the TV.  When I got off the phone, I saw how interested he was — he wasn’t just watching it — but really paying attention.  So what to do?

I could have just walked in the living room stark naked I suppose and got his mind off the sports thing, but I’d rather he “willingly” gave up watching the game.  So — I made a quick change to just a tee shirt and gym shorts, then plopped down on the couch and with my best pitiful look begged for a foot rub.  Don’t get me wrong — I love having my feet rubbed — and Roger knows I love having them rubbed, so he’s always willing to score brownie points by rubbing them.  Particular in this case because he could rub them while he continued watching TV.

Except, it didn’t take but a few minutes for him to realize that little Meredith didn’t have a thing on but the tee shirt and shorts — which got his male motor running — and he decided he wasn’t that interested in the game after all!

SO — was I being aggressive? Was I being controlling? Or was I just being a smart girl?

Let’s put it this way — Roger has NEVER complained even once!  And even more important — when I am feeling crummy and know that any sex is gonna be crummy, he knows and truly believes me that I’m just feeling crummy and not rejecting him!  Our sexual relations have improved immensely and have become a LOT more honest.  And in discussing things with Connie, Kyla, and Jocelyn who have been doing the same things to have some control of their sexual lives, they too have seen major improvements.

SO — I can’t tell you DNA girls and guys what to do, but I can strongly suggest that if you want to keep crummy sex out of your lives, then you girls need to speak up and you guys need to encourage them to become a lot more active as to when and where.  Give it shot and it just might transform your whole relationship!



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Last Updated: May 2006

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