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|“Early Exit!!” • May 17, 2006|
Ding Dong the Witch is Dead! (I wish!!)
Let’s take a look at a little female/male problem that crops all too frequently. That is — he wants to do something — and you want to do ANYTHING else — including death!!
In this case, one of “his” college buddies and new wife were having their first little cocktail party in their brand new heavily mortgaged sleaze abode — and Roger was both eager to go to see his old friend and duty bound to put in an appearance.
On the other hand, I would prefer having my fingernails ripped out — SLOWLY! I’d pick a couple of days of torture on the Inquisition rack before spending a couple of minutes at their home. After about three drinks I can almost stand to be on the same planet with Roger’s old friend — but the new wife is a permanent resident in the top ten of my better dead list!! Let’s just say she could play Attila the Hun without makeup!
Actually, that’s a little tacky because she is a pretty cute looking girl — and I think she had the “hots” for Roger at one point — “hots” which were not returned, I might add! (Roger is after all a pretty classy guy — if you have any doubts, just check out his girlfriend!) But even though cute, her personality more than destroys any resemblance to any species higher than a virus! She could teach a graduate course in treachery to Lucrecia Borgia. (And probably give her a few tips on poisoning guests, too!!)
Roger is aware of my “distaste” for this “person” so when he told me about the party, you could tell he was ready to duck! But — since I am a blond — and a genius, of course — I sized things up quickly so I just meekly said, “OK.”
Roger was in total shock for a moment, but quickly recovered. And I suspect he was mentally giving himself a big pat on the back. He’d suggested we go shopping and he figured he’d catch me in the best possible mood to broach the subject. And he was so relieved that he was thrilled to buy me a really sexy little next to nothing dress to wear to the “big housewarming event.” And it was totally justified because if I’ve got to go to the party, I want to make sure that the Wicked Witch knows I’m the “fairest of them all.”
Let’s analyze this for a moment. My logical (and predictable) reaction would have been to throw a hissy fit. But — it wouldn’t do any good because I’d still have to go anyway or else send Roger stag and the witch would know why he was there alone and that would please her no end! So — regardless — I’m gonna go to the party. All a tantrum is going to do is cause grief between Roger and I and that is something else the witch would enjoy greatly and I refuse to give her that satisfaction.
So — to borrow a tired old phrase, “When you’re stuck with lemons — make lemonade!” Part of the “lemonade” was that I was going to make darn sure I was the absolute knockout at the party. I figured that if every guy in the place couldn’t keep his eyes off me that would really upset our “charming hostess.” And I had a little something else up my sleeve!!! (Blond brains are tough to beat!!)
Came the big night and I was really looking hot! Even though it’s a bunch of young guys, I figured I would cause at least three or four cardiac arrests!! Roger came by to pick me up and was amazed that I was not only already dressed and ready to go — but still smiling about the party. And the way I looked wasn’t lost on him either — he was MOST complimentary — once he picked his jaw up off the floor!!
We stopped at the curb down from their house behind all the other cars and Roger came around and opened my door. And when he did, the interior light came on, and my skirt “accidentally” slid up to my waist — and Roger got a good look at the tops of my hose — and the frilly little black garter belt keeping their tops corralled — and that the rest of my little bottom — which was totally bare. I flashed my sweetest and most sincere smile and said, “I kind of hope we don’t have to stay too long — I think we could find something a lot more fun to do.”
So — I made my entrance, the ambulances arrived to carry off the dead and dying, we gulped down two glasses of their atrocious cheap wine — and we were out of there in less than an hour! I was completely happy — Roger was completely happy — and therefore the witch was completely indescribably furious! What a perfect evening!!!!
PS — Roger had NO complaints about leaving early!!!
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Last Updated: May 2006
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