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“The Briar Patch!” • October 18, 2006

Guys will say it was all the GIRL'S fault of course!

Brer Rabbit was carelessly trotting down the forest path one day, glibly yakking away on his cell phone, I.E. putting the fast hustle on another bunny of the extreme female persuasion, (by the way — it has nothing to do with the story, but just for the record, her name was Jeanie and she’s a light blond hare,) when suddenly Brer Bear jumped out from behind a bush and grabbed him!

“Woo-hoo!!  What a nice plump rabbit!!  You’re gonna taste really fine, Brer Rabbit!!”

Brer Rabbit was a very sly rabbit — and more than a bit of a smarty pants, too — and Brer Bear was a little on the “dumb as stone” side.

SO — Brer Rabbit figured he could talk his way out his predicament — and out of Brer Bear’s stomach!!

“Woe is me!  Woe is me!  I’ve been caught by Brer Bear — and now he’s gonna eat me!!  But at least I won’t suffer a much more terrible fate!!!  Better to be eaten any day of the week than to suffer an even more terrible fate!!”

“What terrible fate, Brer Rabbit? What’s worse than being eaten?”

“It’s almost too terrible to say — but — being thrown in that briar patch beside the path is MUCH WORSE than being eaten!!  MUCH, MUCH WORSE!!”

Brer Bear looked over at the briar patch and remembered how he’d brushed up against it a few times — and how much the thorns hurt!  Of course, he didn’t realize that while the thorns were a hazard for a huge bear, the briar patch was like a playground to the much smaller rabbit that could whiz through them without a scratch!

“Please, please, please — don’t throw me in the briar patch — that’s more than I could stand — eat me, but don’t throw me in the briar patch!!  Please, please, please — not the briar patch — anything but that!!”

Brer Bear was getting a little tired of Brer Rabbit’s pleading — and Brer Bear had just eaten a half dozen Big Mac’s from Mickey D’s, so he wasn’t really super hungry — so he thought it over —

“Please, please, please eat me!!  Don’t throw me in the briar patch!!  It’d be too painful — too terrible — the worst way to die imaginable!!  Please, please, please — don’t throw me in the briar patch!!!”

AND — since Brer Bear had just eaten — and was really getting pretty annoyed at Brer Rabbit’s whining — he picked him up by the ears — and said, “OK, OK, OK!!  I should throw you in the briar patch for being such a whiny smarty pants, but I won’t!” So he gulped down Brer Rabbit in one bite!!

And the moral of the story is — yank that stupid cell phone away from your ear and pay attention to what you are doing!!  It’s probably a good idea to stay away from bears, too!



PS — NO!  I’m not going to apologize for the “light blond hare” bit!!!

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Last Updated: October 2006

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