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“The Turtle and the Jackrabbit!” • October 18, 2006

So much for Cinderella endings!

Once upon a time there was a grade school aged turtle that was REALLY SLOOOOOOOW!!!!  This lack of locomotion didn’t escape the notice of the other grade school animals!  So he asked him mom, “What can I do, Mama? I’m so slow and everyone teases me!!  Even the other turtles tease me!!  I’ve got some serious rep problems here!  How will I ever get a date when I get to high school?”

His mom got a book down from the bookshelf and instructed the young turtle to read the fable of “The Tortoise and the Hare.” The story was a BIG epiphany for the turtle!!  He immediately understood how “slow and steady” could win the race.  So embolden with his new insight and brimming with confidence he slowly trudged across the back yard and hollered over the fence to the kid next door — who just happened to be a Texas jackrabbit!!  (They are actually hares and not rabbits, but who’s a purist?)

Anyway — he challenges the jackrabbit to a road race on Saturday morning.  The jackrabbit thinks the turtle has totally lost his mind, (jackrabbits are well noted for there ability to causally lope past airliners without breaking a sweat,) but the turtle keeps trash talking and trash talking and trash talking and the jackrabbit reluctantly agrees to race him.  Next morning, the turtle puts up posters all over the school announcing the big race on the weekend!!

AND — because the turtle was male, and therefore born with more than a little larceny in his heart, he decided to “help the odds” a bit.  SO — he recruited all the other turtles to sneak out early Saturday morning and place bunches of tasty carrots all along the side of the road course!!

Comes the big day and the turtle and jackrabbit line up on the starting line.  The gun fires and they both take off!!  In other words — the jackrabbit has already discovered the first carrots and stopped for a snack while the turtle is still trying to cross the starting line!!

The jackrabbit is also concerned about his rep, so he figures he’ll take it easy on the turtle and not beat him too badly.  So — after his carrot snack, he decided to take a nap.

When he wakes up, he sees that the turtle is pulling even with him — so he raced ahead to the next carrots.  To pass the time while he waits, he drags out “War and Peace” for a in-depth analysis.  He finishes just as the turtle trudges by him.  So — again he races ahead to the next carrots — and so on — until he gets to the last batch of carrots.

He eats the final carrots and takes another nap while he waits for the turtle to catch up.

BUT — after eating all those carrots he’s becomes REALLY drowsy, (probably reading “War and Peace” had something to do with it, too,) and sleeps longer that he intended!!  He wakes up — looks frantically around for the turtle — then spots him way down the road almost to the finish line!!!

SO —

The jackrabbit cranks it up to full military power, hits the afterburners, and roars past the turtle and across the finish line at mach three!!  The sonic boom flips the turtle off the road and upside down into the ditch!!

And the moral of the story is — high ambitions are really admirable — but get REAL — don’t pick an IMPOSSIBLE goal!!



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Last Updated: October 2006

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