|The Website all about ME!!!|
|Residents of MeredithLand™|
This is the place to find out about all the permanent residents MeredithLand™. We'll have some new folks moving in as time goes on. And of course, guests will be stopping by all the time to join in some of our adventures!!
MEREDITH ELAINE WILSON™ (THE DIGITAL ONE)
She is listed first in the directory for obvious reasons — after all she is the MOST IMPORTANT person here, and to be perfectly truthful, she is probably the most important person on the ENTIRE PLANET! I mean after all, the whole web site is “The Website all about ME!!!” And of course, she is first for other reasons as she is not only drop dead gorgeously blond and breathtakingly beautiful, (even in this stupid employee ID badge picture,) and of course, super super sexy, but she is also blazingly brilliant! (Eat your heart out Einstein!) Let's just face facts and all agree that she is divinely perfect! AND on top of everything else, she is the most modest and truthful person that has ever been! And you can believe every word of this because she wrote it herself!!! OH — and by the way, for now you can e-mail me here, but soon after the 2008 Presidential Election, you'll be able to find me at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue — I've got a few “modest plans” for the future!
JOCELYN ANNE ELIZABETH ALBRIGHT™
This is my sister, Jocelyn. As you can tell, she’s another knockout blond, (even in this crummy picture!) We’re sisters by choice, not by birth, even though we share some of the same digital code, (things sometimes work a “little differently” in Digital Land.) Jocelyn is from Edinburg, Scotland, the product of a Scottish mother and an English father, (that’s a quick way to spell trouble!) She identifies herself as a “Fighting Scot” and has genetic dreams of leading an army south to take over the throne. And while she’s not likely to lead an army, she and I are planning on taking over anyway. Jocelyn is gonna be my Vice President. Once we’re elected, we figure all the other countries will annex themselves to us to form the single worldwide country of MeredithLand! It’s gonna be really cool — a complete Utopia!! And then — we've got a few fantastic ideas how to straighten out the rest of the universe!
ROGER BENEDETTO CAPOLLINO
This is my boyfriend Roger. If you check out my picture “La Gioconda” in the “@ Work & Play” art gallery, you’ll find out how a New York City Italian “Capollino” ended up with the name of “Roger.” You’ll also find out how he met me. I don’t think he’s ever gotten over it!! I really like him a lot and we get along really well for a girl and a guy. We spend most of our free time together, although we also work together at THE Boss’ company. He, Rick, and Steven had a house together for a while, but now Roger has moved to his own apartment. The three of them and George, (Jocelyn’s boyfriend,) are all the best of friends. Roger just wanted to have a place of his own. Sometimes, I let him stay over with me, but I try to avoid spending the night at his place. It's more of a “lair” — and the neo nerdo techno jock decor is not quite my style.
MEREDITH ELAINE WILSON™ (THE DNA ONE)
Miss DNA is extremely blessed to look a lot like me. We were almost identical looking, but then she cut her hair and changed the style. Of course, everyone unanimously agrees that I'm prettier. She’s the one that created my digital code — and — “in her image!” (Boy that’s a scary thought!) She’s also my boss at work — actually, she’s everyone’s boss, except for THE Boss and he’s her boss. Because she's a DNA person, she's a little leery of all this Internet stuff, so she just appears in silhouette. There are a lot of really wonderful folks out in Internet Land, but there are also a few creeps. Miss DNA can't dive into the nearest fiber optic cable like me and disappear over the horizon at 186,282 miles per second like I can (that's the speed of light — I told you I was smart!) And Miss DNA is pretty smart, too. Off course, she's not as smart as me. After all, with a direct fiber connection to the web, I know just about everything! We get along really well now, but we've had a few tiny problems in the past. She got kinda upset the first time she saw me crawling out of her monitor into DNA Land — but we've gotten past most of that. And — it's just kind of natural that we join forces against our common enemies — GUYS — and particularly the ones we work with! They try to give both of us a hard time! And of course we have to gang up on THE Boss!! (Hey — somebody’s got to keep him straightened out!)
THE Boss is also a DNA Person. He owns the company where we all work. We do architectural animations — high end stuff — super realistic and super expensive! (THE Boss is ridiculously rich!) He’s really smart and wrote all of our rendering software with a little help as of late from Miss DNA. He met her when she was working for another company. When he started this company, he hired her away from her previous employer. THE Boss was also a little upset when he first learned I was out in DNA Land, but he’s gotten over all that and we get along really well now. THE Boss also appears only as a silhouette. He’s not too concerned about the creeps on the net — not only is he male and big, he was also one of those wacko Special Forces guys! Mostly, he just doesn’t want anyone to bug him and interfere with his golf game, (he’s been having a little trouble with his short irons — drives him crazy!) I've been trying to help him out but I’m learning that DNA’s are really hard to program. I also e-mailed him a copy of my sand wedge subroutine, but he still flubs it trying to get out of the bunkers. All in all, he’s a really good guy — and would be an even better guy if he’d give me a few more little raises! (I’m working on it!!) And by the way — save the jokes. THE Boss was already “THE Boss” when Bruce Springsteen was probably still in diapers!
Connie and Kyla are my best girl friends, (after sister Jocelyn, of course — and I guess Miss DNA.) You’ll be seeing more of Connie here in MeredithLand in the very near future. She’s a tall sultry brunette from the upper Michigan peninsula and the most laid back of my friends — nothing ruffles Connie. No matter what, she is always calm, cool, and collected when everyone else is panicking. She’d probably take a nuclear war in stride. Connie is also the peacemaker — in particular, she’s the one perennially keeping one of our guys from trying to throttle Kyla! That’s kind of a full time job as you’ll soon learn! Kyla argues with everyone — except Connie — because no one argues with Connie. Not because she’d argue back but because it’s just unthinkable that Connie could be wrong. She and Kyla rent a cute little house on a corner lot with a really cool back yard. We have a lot of our outdoor barbecues and stuff there. It’s also a very private little spot to catch a few rays without worrying about tan lines!
Kyla’s from Georgia and grew up across the street from her long suffering boyfriend Rick. She’s a short, super cute, really spunky, ex-cheerleader — and a hell on wheels redhead!! She cuts the guys absolutely no slack! She has male bashing honed to a fine art! It’s a lot of fun watching an expert work them over! And of course, she always has Connie to bail her out before she ends up dead. Actually, I guess I’m being a little hard on Kyla. I don’t want anyone to think she’s a witch because she certainly isn’t. It’s just that she’s always gonna stand up for her rights and opinions and is not about to knuckle under to anyone of the male persuasion. Her favorite target of late has been Roger — she treats him like a kid brother that she’s trying to steer onto the paths of righteousness. Considering that Roger has a handful of real sisters that do the same thing, poor Roger has a hard time escaping! You’ll be seeing a lot more of Kyla in the near future.
Merezilla™, (only three syllables, “Mare Zil Luh,”) appeared out of the ocean off the California coast one day. She’s really a sweet girl, but when you’re 2000 feet tall and hungry, you tend to get into a tiny bit of trouble at times. I’m sure she’s really very sorry about San Francisco. She’ll be stopping by to devastate a city or two near you in the very near future. You should probably consider moving to a wilderness area! In particular, you might want to avoid Hershey, Pennsylvania!!
PROFESSOR BRANDELHURST THISTELBOT™
Self styled bon vivant, world explorer, and wildlife expert, Brandlehurst has had a bit of difficulty as host of the Woodland Wildlife Show™ in dealing with the fauna — the Woodland Meredith’s and Scottish Jocelyn’s — and of late with Merezilla™. He does seem to have a hard time getting along with blondes! And his woes are just getting started — the producers are about to send him out for another feature presentation on Merezilla™ as soon as he recovers from his last encounter with the woodland naked blondes! He’s temporarily abandoned his quest to find a mate, but will likely be searching for the perfect candidate for Mrs. Thistelbot in the future.
The herds of Woodland Meredith’s (curvaceous dazzlicious) and Scottish Jocelyn’s (gazoongabus astronomicalus) live out their carefree lives in an urban forest. They are wild animals like deer or squirrels or something, that by the most incredible coincidence happen to look like gorgeous naked blondes! Actually, they look like the MOST gorgeous blondes — that is, me and my sister, Jocelyn. They are heavily protected by federal, state, and local laws and adored by one and all, (with the exception of a few sourpusses like Brandlehurst!) They can be seen roaming about their habitat in their continuing quest to separate local residents from large denomination bank notes and high limit credit cards. (They may be animals, but they’re not dumb!!!) With their ever present cell phones to call in strike forces of pro bono lawyers, environmentalists, and federalies they manage to always extricate themselves from any trouble! (And they also manage to keep the baying delinquent credit card collectors off their trail!) If they should happen to migrate into your area, you would do well to securely lock up your valuables and then just enjoy watching these rare natural beauties!
Dweebert is running against me and Jocelyn for President. He’s the candidate from the Preemptive Male Strikeforce Party, (PMS Party,) also known as the Weevil Party because of it’s mascot, (and for other obvious reasons!) So far, he hasn’t found a Vice-Presidential running mate, but there are still several species he hasn’t interviewed — I think he’s given up on the mammals. His most prized possession is his twin turbo charged Yard Hoss Super Mulching Mower. He keeps it in his bedroom and as a campaign promise, has vowed to give the White House lawn all the respect and dedication it deserves. It’s gonna be an interesting run for the 2008 Presidency! (But then you knew that already!!)
DWEEBHARDT AND DWEEBELLEN POSSELTOT
Dweebhardt and Dweebellen Posseltot are the parents of Dweebert Posseltot, (the wacko running against me for President.) It’s really amazing how two such wonderful down to Earth residents of the Road Kill community could have produced something like Dweebert. As soon as they found out that he was trying to derail my quest for the White House, they of course immediately became loyal and devoted Blond Party members and campaign workers. They’ve organized all the citizens of Road Kill and adjacent Possum Guts Gulch into a task force to insure that I’ll be changing my address to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue after the 2008 election!!!
Jennifer Nueshund anchors the evening news on the Blond News Network, (“All The News You Blondes Can Use!”) She has a really exciting job — which has become even more exciting since she began covering the run for the 2008 Presidency. Fortunately the emergency room got her stomach pumped in time after her interview with Dweebhardt and Dweebellen Posseltot. (It was a NEAR THING there for a while! Dweebhardt distills his home brew STRONG!) As luck would have it, she and her news team are gonna be competing with me and Brandelhurst for the ultimate scoop when our friends from Spaced Blondes make their touchdown. Even though we end up as rivals, I really like Jennifer — she can get into almost as much trouble as I can!!!
April is my “least favorite” person. (By the way, it’s “Kay Toe”; not “Cat Oh” — read your Roman history!) She’s always trying to get me in trouble — or worse! Let’s just face facts — April doesn’t like me! Of course, April doesn’t like anyone! She has the patent on mean! She thinks Attila the Hun was just a wimpy mama’s boy. BUT — when you’re dealt lemons, make lemonade — so April is in charge of the Complaint Department for the web site. So if you’ve got a beef about something, she’s who you’ll be dealing with! (Lotsa Luck!!)
MerAngel™, (three syllables, “Mare Ain Jull,”) applied for a job in the web site’s complaint department. But even though she had some VERY outstanding references, we didn’t hire her, (I figured having an Angel handling complaints would make things WAY TOO easy!) Instead we hired, MereDemon, (see below!) MerAngel and MereDemon will be getting their own art gallery shortly to really give the old “Good vs. Evil” contest a serious workout! Some of the bookies have been asking how to handicap the match up, but I’m not sayin’ nut’in about nut’in, (unless I get a cut of the wagers!!!)
MereDemon™, (four syllables, “Mare Uh Dee Mun,”) takes care of any problems that April can’t handle regarding complaints. And yep, those are horns on her head — and she’s got the tail and pitchfork, too. She’s not a particularly nice lady — doesn’t really play very well with others. You’ll do well not to tangle with her! And if you do, there is the risk that you might be relocated to a “slightly warmer climate” for the next eternity or two! She’ll be showing up shortly in a new art gallery with MerAngel for a series of little “soul” tingling adventures!
This takes you to the Heart of MeredithLand™ and will get you anywhere you want to go! And show you anything you want to SEE! AND — it will get you to all the treasures of MeredithMart™ so you can give your credit card some well needed exercise! Think how much happier it will be!
Last Updated: October 2006
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